What is this all about????????

What to say???????? What to do???????

I have read many blogs and am amazed at just how well people are able to express themselves and are really clear on the description of their struggles and emotions. I wish I could do that.........but then again I stop and think.............. if most of the time my thought and emotions aren't clear enough even to me.........how could I possible explain them. to anyone else...........LOL

I have blogged before but nothing too exciting really........I kind of write (type) like I talk and sometimes (most of the time) it doesn't make for good reading...........LOL

So why write a blog????????????

Well a really good friend of mine is going through a transitions (for lack of a better word) and she has been blogging here about her experiences (mostly all internal) and she has really inspired me. Every time that I see someone be courageous and really put themselves on the line like that deserves an applause.............no screw that............a standing ovation!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and yes Dana I am talking about you)

So that's that................about me????? There's not really much to me..............I can be stubborn at times......Love love love to read...........love movies.......oh and music........all kinds of music........especially Classical :o) I hate going on dates............so I don't date.......love to do things on my own with no one's help.........love tattoos!!!!!!!!! and piercings :o)

Now all that really doesn't say shit about me.............lol............but I can touch on a few things..........I've only had one serious relationship in my life............and at the age of 28........that's not much really.........well neddless to say that ended horribly so because of that I'm all kinds of messed up................LOL (there's actually more to that story but nothing I care to get in to just now)

The whole not liking to date stems from the previous relationshp (I think). I never want to feel like I owe anyone anything and so going on a date (usually) the guy pays and I am not so comfortable with someone else paying for me cause then I don't like to feel like I owe something to someone.........even if it is something minor. I know that makes no sense......you see know how I don't even make sense to myself...........LOL

But I am all messed up because if I do ever happen to go on a date (I don't get asked out much) I can be very old fashioned to an extent..........for instance.......I believe that a man should ask out a woman (yes I know we're in the 21st century) and also........when I am on the date.........I always offer to pay (at the very least my share if not the whole thing) and if at any point the guy takes me up on the offer and allows me to pay.........then it's safe to say that there will not be a second date.........now don't get me wrong.................it could be Taco Bell for all I care......and if I were to be dating someone for awhile then that wouldn't apply, I wouldn't mind paying for the movies or dinner every so often but when there is that initial courtship...........i think that the guy should be a gentleman..............does that make any sense???????? Yeah................it didn't to me either............LOL.............well those are my reasons for the dating thing.........LOL

I also think that one of the reasons that I love reading and movies so much is because it allows me to live vicariously through someone else's (is that right?) eyes. An escape........some kind of mini vacation...........for instance..........I fall in love with them men from the book that I read..........every time!!!!!!!! Well that depends on the book...............LOL
And then I come back down to reality and realize that men like that don't truly exist because they are written by women............LOL
But in scenes from the books, I experience emotions...........I got the butterflies everytime Bella saw Edward in the book Twilight. I would feel nervous for Ron around Hermione in Harry Potter..........the list goes on and one..............I get lost in the movies (the cheesiest ones) and sing along to the songs and smile and feel all giddy and then.............the credits roll in............the book is finished...........and I'm back to the empty feeling again............

Well that's enough for today.............LOL

Despite the whole "feeling empty" comment I am actually quite a happy person...........I love life!!!!!!!!!! I have been blessed in so many ways and I am always smiling.......if I were to die tonight...........I would die a happy woman :o)