We have to make the time pass at work somehow...........

And so here it is, an email between a few co-workers and myself. Enjoy! (Start from the bottom)





_____________________________________________

From: David
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 8:58 AM
To: Ron; Enida L; Jamie
Subject: RE: How.....

In German the word for moon is masculine: der Mond. The word for sun is feminine: die Sonne.
The word for son is also masculine: der Sohn. The word for father is masculine: der Vater.
Strangely, the word for girl is neuter: das Maedchen. Go figure!

_____________________________________________
From: Jamie
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 10:33 AM
To: Enida L; Ron; David
Subject: RE: How.....

I almost went with that actually cause the woman is usually the one that’s blinded by love but it just didn’t feel right in this story……………..
He never knew how she felt. He was so overwhelmed with love for her that he couldn’t see past that so he never knew. He was just happy being able to love her.

_____________________________________________

From: Enida L
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 9:22 AM
To: Jamie; David; Ron
Subject: RE: How.....

Wow, that's interesting. I always thought of the moon as feminine and the sun as masculine….that's a sad story…how did the sun feel about the moon?

_____________________________________________
From: Jamie
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 10:23 AM
To: Ron; Enida L; David
Subject: RE: How.....

Or…………………….

In Ancient times…………..The sun and the moon worked side by side every day. The sun would give just enough light for people not to get cold and the moon would provide just enough shade so that it wouldn’t get too hot.
The moon always admired the sun and fell in love with her, always staring at her in all her beauty. He would be lost in admiration for her that he would even forget to provide shade.
As years went by his love for her deepened. He longed to be as bright and as beautiful as she. Being awed by her beauty he no longer wanted to provide shade and wanted people to rejoice in her beauty all day as he did.
The God’s saw this as a problem. If no shade was to be provided then there would be no balance. They pleaded with the moon to continue in it’s tradition but the moon blinded by love could not agree to such a thing! He could not comprehend how anyone would not want to stare at the Sun all day as he did.
And so the God’s were forced to intervene. They declared that the moon is no longer allowed to be next to the sun since he was unable to perform his duties. They were ordered to always stay on opposite sides. The moon hasn’t been the same since. Every time the moon thinks about the sun and how much he loves her still, there is a blue moon in our skies.


_____________________________________________

From: Ron
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 8:57 AM
To: David; Enida L; Jamie
Subject: RE: How.....

Lol as do I

_____________________________________________
From: Enida L
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 9:22 AM
To: Jamie; David; Ron
Subject: RE: How.....

Thank you, I accept that as a much better explanation.









_____________________________________________
From: Jamie
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 9:12 AM
To: Enida L; David; Ron
Subject: RE: How.....

Blue moon is the time of the month where the fairies come out from hiding. Seeing as most fairies are glittery and blue the moon gets its Blue color from the reflection of all the fairies flying around in the night sky. J

_____________________________________________

From: Enida L
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 8:30 AM
To: Jamie; Ron; David
Subject: How.....


According to wikipedia….A blue moon is a full moon that is not timed to the regular monthly pattern.

I'd prefer a more mystical and magical definition if someone can make one up right now...

_____________________________________________
From: David
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 8:58 AM
To: Ron; Enida L; Jamie
Subject: RE: How.....

Haha. I was waiting for someone to say that.

Finally, I can exhale.

_____________________________________________
From: Ron
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 8:57 AM
To: David; Enida L; Jamie
Subject: RE: How.....

Blue moon……..You saw me standing alone……..

_____________________________________________
From: David
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 8:39 AM
To: Enida L; Jamie; Ron
Subject: RE: How.....

Eh, it happens. It could be the blue moon we're supposed to have tonight, not that I actually know what a blue moon is, but it sounds powerful and mysterious.

_____________________________________________
From: Enida L
Sent: Thursday, December 31, 2009 8:30 AM
To: Jamie; Ron; David
Subject: How.....

How am I stuck on stupid this morning when I didn't drink last night? I woke up late, I forgot my badge….crazy...

One day...................I'll be dead

And it won't matter that I didn't make my bed today..............it won't matter that I only got 4 hours of sleep last night instead of 8. It won't matter that I was late on my credit card bill or that I didn't make that stop sign. It won't matter that I'm watching Across the Universe or that I prefer Fiona Apple's version of the song instead of the Beatles version. It won't matter that I made an ass out of myself today or the fact that I damn near begged for forgiveness. It won't matter that I care for you or that you hurt me. It won't matter if I'm lying or whether you believe me. It won't matter that I was inspired to write a poem by you and that you killed that inspiration. It won't matter that I will cry as I lay to sleep or that I will pray to a God I don't believe in. It won't matter that I am on the phone right now or the fact that you fell asleep on the phone. It won't matter!!!!!!!!! But tonight it does :o(

Once upon a time.............

I was really horrible to my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend. I wouldn’t call him for weeks at a time and then just call him out of the blue when I would want to see him. Well, I came to the realization that I really did care for him and love him and I wanted to tell him that.
So on the way to a family trip to Reno I asked my parents to stop by so I could see him and talk to him. I got off to his house but didn’t go inside cause I didn’t just want to barge in. I called him to let him know I was there and I wanted to talk to him and he answers the phone by saying “what do you want”. Needless to say I was a bit sad but I proceeded to tell him that I wanted to talk to him about us, he said “what us?” My eyes started to cry and I told him that I knew I was horrible to him but I realized that I really do love him and I wanted to really prove it to him. Where he proceeded to tell me “It’s to late, I’m already seeing someone else”, I started to cry, really cry, hung up the phone and started walking back to the car.
At this point my family had gotten out of the car and I started yelling at them to get in the car because I wanted to leave. As I said that I heard him yell “WAAAAAAIIIIT” and I started running…………….running because I didn’t want him to see me cry and I just didn’t think I could face him. So I ran. Ran in to my car and quickly closed the windows and locked the car. He ran up to the passenger side door and he had tears in his eyes. He asked me to unlock the door because he wanted to talk to me and I wouldn’t. I couldn’t bear to look at him with all these tears in my eyes. It hurt so badly. He was pleading with me to open the window for me to just listen to him. That’s when I pointed to the sun roof, it was open, and I could hear him from there. He said “I love you, I’m sorry, just please don’t disappear and treat me like shit, that’s all I ask of you”. I cried more because I knew he was right. I did treat him like shit. I got out of the car, he came close but not to close (good move) and he let me be sorry.

My dad proceeded to ask him if he wanted to go to Reno with us……….he said yes :o)

As we were packing his stuff we were walking out of the front door to go to the car he reached over and grabbed my hand, with interlocking fingers……….this made me so happy!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I woke up………………………………

Cause this just made me laugh.....the most genuine laugh I've had in weeks!!!!

Conversation between my friend & I!!!!!!

Duncan

OMG! A freakin spider just dropped down in front of me

landed on the keyboard

8:46pm

Jamie

Ewwwwwww

8:46pm

Duncan

that scared the shit outta me!!!!

8:47pm

Jamie

Daddy long legs?

8:47pm

Duncan

no

8:47pm

Jamie

Those creep me out

8:47pm

Duncan

a hairy brown one

8:47pm

Jamie

Ewwwwwwwww

Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww

8:47pm

Duncan

YES!

8:47pm

Jamie

Eeeeeeeeeeeeek

8:47pm

Duncan

YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:47pm

Jamie

I just got shivers

You almost died!!!!!!!! Dios Mio!!!!!!!

Be careful!!!!!!!!!!

8:47pm

Duncan

LMAO!!!

i killed that little fucker

i'm ok

8:48pm

Jamie

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

Sounding like Chuck Norris & shit

8:48pm

Duncan

ha ha

8:49pm

Jamie

"I judo chopped that little son of a bitch"

cue dramatic music!!!!!!

8:49pm

Duncan

LMAO!!!!!!!

you're crazy

Because this is how I feel right now.............

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"


I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Where I'm at right now...............

I want this ......................

But you want that....................




















I have to offer this.............................

But you'd rather have that.............................
I would love this............................



















But you would love that................................

What happened to anonymity????

Whatever happened to good ole privacy? I am naturally a loud person. Out-going some might say and quite misleading to how I actually am!!! What I mean is that I am a super private person. I do not like to share my personal feeling, emotions, or even thoughts in some instances. I don’t know what it is and I’m tired of trying to figure it out. I love to be alone! I love solitude! Now don’t get me wrong…………I don’t hate people or anything of the sort. I love people, they fascinate me. People watching is one of my favorite hobbies but when I feel like shutting away from the world I wish I could do it without people constantly wondering or asking if something is wrong. For example: I used to have a Twitter. Oh how I miss my Twitter. And I just deleted it four hours ago. Funny right!?!?!?!? Well I would have already updated it a bunch of times at this point. It’s like a mini release to no one…………or so I thought. So anyways………….come to find out that a bunch of people were following me that I actually knew!!!!!!! Some I was ok with……….some I wasn’t. I was under this false illusion that I was giving mini statements on my thoughts and state of mind and it was somehow private, yet public. I don’t know if I could properly convey how I thought/felt about it. Anyways so I would send off these updates to the World Wide Web and that was the end………..or so I thought. Then all of a sudden I start receiving these texts in relation to my Twitter’s. Now I know I’m putting it out there for everyone to read but my thought is if I don’t send it to you directly then why are you asking. Ugh, I’m all scattered in this blog. What I mean is why am I having to explain my thoughts or feelings? There is a reason why I love being alone. I accept myself. I can be myself around myself. I am the only person I can’t hide from. Ugh………I’m having mental issues apparently.

Long time no see....................

I'm talking to my sanity by the way. I feel like I haven't been myself for quite awhile now! However I feel relieved to start feeling like my old self again. I guess that saying really is true,"when it rains it pours".

I think age maybe is starting to sink in. What I mean by that is that I am accepting the fact that as of next year I will no longer be in my 20's and I will be entering my 30's. Now don't get me wrong. I do not think in any way shape or form that I am old but what I do think about are the implications what come with my 30's. Allow me to explain.
I can no longer date "men" that are in their 20's. I just find that they are (for the most part) still immature and wanting to get laid as much as possible. So now my dating age bracket has moved up to the 30's. Now this is where the problem lies.............I do not believe that I am anywhere near to actually being able to engage in a serious relationship. Aha! I know what you're thinking.......if I'm not ready for a serious relationship then why not date guys in their 20's. Well that is because quite frankly I don't want to waste my time either. See this is where it get's tricky. If I'm not willing to waste my time by "seeing what happens" and I'm not ready to actually be in a relationship.........then what!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I'm concluding that I basically still need to be alone for some time here. But then what about when I feel that I am ready to be in a committed and serious relationship. Then the men that I would want to date are old enough so that they are going to want to date younger women so that they can feel younger about themselves. Ok so there's that.

Then 30's is more adult than 20's. Meaning that when you turn 20 all your thinking about is how much you can't wait till you're 21 so you can drink......LOL. But aside from that what I mean is that there isn't much you are expecting or expected to do at the age. Then comes along 30's. At this point I am reflecting on what I could have accomplished, what I want to accomplish, what I didn't accomplish...........you get the picture. So now it's really time to do some soul searching and do some serious life planning..........Woe is me!!!!!

The worst is that I feel like I have left so much valuable time go by..........that really saddens me. So much time wasted and so much could have been established. Now the qustions is am I going to do something about it so this doesn't happen in my 40's or am I going to get stuck in this never ending loop of wallowing in my own self pity and let the 30's just breeze on by...........

Matters of the heart.............

Wikipedia's definition of what a heart is:

The heart is a muscular organ in all vertebrates responsible for pumping blood through the blood vessels by repeated, rhythmic contractions, or a similar structure in annelids, mollusks, and arthropods.

Ok.......so it's a muscular organ it is a necessity to sustain life. I mean, you can live without a leg, an arm, without teeth......etc etc. But you most certainly can't live without a heart. I guess that's why people relate love with the heart...........at least that's my guess. But what is love anyways? It's nothing tangible.

Well after five years of being single I feel that I am ready to step back in to the dating world. But along with that there is always a risk of getting hurt. Am I ready for that? Not to sure. Sure I feel ready to explore what is out there and get to know someone and I know that in that there is always the "pain" that would come along when something isn't working out. But then again saying that I am ready to start dating should therefore mean that I am ready to go along with anything that comes along with it.....................right??? Including the pain??? I guess I'm going through a crossroads.

I want..............

I want to be loved
I want to be missed
I want to be adored
I want to be kissed
I want to be the reason someone smiles unexpectedly
I want to be someone's desire
I want to be someone's reason for racing home
I want someone that makes me want to smile
I want someone to call to pick me up when I need a ride
I want someone to call during lunch breaks
I want someone to have dinner with
I want someone that see a flower and think of me
I want someone that wants me
I want someone that will accept me "as is"
I want someone to make me get out of bed in the morning
I want someone to argue with
I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful.............even when I'm not
I want someone to listen to my favorite songs with me
I want someone to cuddle with me
I want someone to sit with next to the movies
I want someone to sweep me off their feet
I want someone to take my glasses off when I fall asleep with them on
I want someone to cook for
I want someone to shop for
I want to celebrate an anniversary
I want to celebrate a Valentines Day
I want to get proposed to
I want someone to not be ashamed of me
I want someone to cook for me
I want someone to appreciate me
I want someone to sigh when the look at me
I want someone to read to
I want someone to live with
I want to buy a house with someone
I want someone to tell me to go to bed
I want someone to call me
I want someone to pick me up
I want someone to grow old with

Is that too much???????????????????????

I am at a total stand still

I am at a total stand still.

Maybe it’s because my wisdom tooth is coming out and it hurts like hell but I can’t seem to think of absolutely anything lately. It’s like my imagination has decreased so much…………….sad.

I love to read and lately I haven’t been able to do that for hours like I used to…………however I have no problem keeping my focus on one hour episodes of American Idol. But then again that may be because I don’t have to do any thinking when watching TV. Then I get really bummed when I read blogs, like my friend Dana has a blog that is always so beautifully written that it’s a shame to even attempt to write after reading hers………LOL
But also I can’t help to think about life and the whole meaning of it (as if no one ever thinks of that). It’s weird but I remember someone telling me (it might have been Dana) that how do you know you’re alive when you’re asleep? You don’t really………..and that is such a trippy thought. Now every time I wake up it’s so weird, all I think is “oh damn, I’m still alive” Isn’t that horrible?????????????
But maybe I’m just thinking too much!!!!!! Maybe?????? LMAO!!!!!!!!!

I might just be keeping this one short cause I have absolutely nothing interesting to say……………………………………see. Actually so far that is the most interesting thing I’ve said today…………LOL

Truth or Happiness, never both...............

Isn't that the damn truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kind of reminds me of the saying.......... Don't go looking for what you don't want to find (or something along those lines).

Funny........I really started to to think about it and there is so much truth to that statement (truth or happiness, not both).
I mean I know there is that other quote "The truth shall set you free" however that in no way shape or form implies that happiness comes along in that freedom.

This also reminds me of when a couple is in a heated argument questioning one and others fidelity they always demand to know the truth................even though they know it will be self-inflicted torture to know the "truth" to their suspicions. But there is a type of burden you no longer bear when you know the truth about something.

But then again..................now that I think about it................... we naturally want to always be validated, validated in our looks, our thoughts, our political views, and yes........our suspicions.

So I guess the example of the couple fighting isn't the best one.............LOL

But I do see that daily and when I look back on my past I can definitely see that the truth has brought me moments and emotions where I wish I could just somehow forget the truth and just believe the lie.............sometimes the lies make life more bearable .............lies and sleep...........lol

Well, no matter the hardships or heartache you get from the truth...............well.............I wouldn't have it any other way..........How could you truly be at peace with yourself if you choose to live in a lie????? Actually scratch that..............it's very easy to do............lol

I guess what I mean to say is that .......the truth is a necessity.........for me at least............I have but one life to live and damnit, I'll be damned if I don't make the best of it.
I want to look back at life and know that I did everything I could at the best of my abilities :o)

Heehee..........I feel like I'm about to break out in to song and sing "My Way".

If there is one person that I cannot lie to in this world, it's me. So that's one person that won't lie to me..................LOL

What is this all about????????

What to say???????? What to do???????

I have read many blogs and am amazed at just how well people are able to express themselves and are really clear on the description of their struggles and emotions. I wish I could do that.........but then again I stop and think.............. if most of the time my thought and emotions aren't clear enough even to me.........how could I possible explain them. to anyone else...........LOL

I have blogged before but nothing too exciting really........I kind of write (type) like I talk and sometimes (most of the time) it doesn't make for good reading...........LOL

So why write a blog????????????

Well a really good friend of mine is going through a transitions (for lack of a better word) and she has been blogging here about her experiences (mostly all internal) and she has really inspired me. Every time that I see someone be courageous and really put themselves on the line like that deserves an applause.............no screw that............a standing ovation!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and yes Dana I am talking about you)

So that's that................about me????? There's not really much to me..............I can be stubborn at times......Love love love to read...........love movies.......oh and music........all kinds of music........especially Classical :o) I hate going on dates............so I don't date.......love to do things on my own with no one's help.........love tattoos!!!!!!!!! and piercings :o)

Now all that really doesn't say shit about me.............lol............but I can touch on a few things..........I've only had one serious relationship in my life............and at the age of 28........that's not much really.........well neddless to say that ended horribly so because of that I'm all kinds of messed up................LOL (there's actually more to that story but nothing I care to get in to just now)

The whole not liking to date stems from the previous relationshp (I think). I never want to feel like I owe anyone anything and so going on a date (usually) the guy pays and I am not so comfortable with someone else paying for me cause then I don't like to feel like I owe something to someone.........even if it is something minor. I know that makes no sense......you see know how I don't even make sense to myself...........LOL

But I am all messed up because if I do ever happen to go on a date (I don't get asked out much) I can be very old fashioned to an extent..........for instance.......I believe that a man should ask out a woman (yes I know we're in the 21st century) and also........when I am on the date.........I always offer to pay (at the very least my share if not the whole thing) and if at any point the guy takes me up on the offer and allows me to pay.........then it's safe to say that there will not be a second date.........now don't get me wrong.................it could be Taco Bell for all I care......and if I were to be dating someone for awhile then that wouldn't apply, I wouldn't mind paying for the movies or dinner every so often but when there is that initial courtship...........i think that the guy should be a gentleman..............does that make any sense???????? Yeah................it didn't to me either............LOL.............well those are my reasons for the dating thing.........LOL

I also think that one of the reasons that I love reading and movies so much is because it allows me to live vicariously through someone else's (is that right?) eyes. An escape........some kind of mini vacation...........for instance..........I fall in love with them men from the book that I read..........every time!!!!!!!! Well that depends on the book...............LOL
And then I come back down to reality and realize that men like that don't truly exist because they are written by women............LOL
But in scenes from the books, I experience emotions...........I got the butterflies everytime Bella saw Edward in the book Twilight. I would feel nervous for Ron around Hermione in Harry Potter..........the list goes on and one..............I get lost in the movies (the cheesiest ones) and sing along to the songs and smile and feel all giddy and then.............the credits roll in............the book is finished...........and I'm back to the empty feeling again............

Well that's enough for today.............LOL

Despite the whole "feeling empty" comment I am actually quite a happy person...........I love life!!!!!!!!!! I have been blessed in so many ways and I am always smiling.......if I were to die tonight...........I would die a happy woman :o)