I miss you...........and you don't even exist!

One of my many dreams last night had to do with a baby.

I have a son. A wonderful son that is turning seven next month. That is all I have. That is all I want!
I have never been one to desire children. For years I honestly thought I would ever have one but circumstances change.............people change and I am beyond fortunate to have this little man in my life. I basically gave birth to my heart!
So safe to say that I do not want any more children, of this I am fairly certain. I can't say never cause I said it once and look at what happened.................LOL
I was not blessed with motherly skills and I think I may have exhausted all of me on my son. I honestly do not know how women can have more than one child! My hat goes off to them for they are the true super heroes!

Back to my dream...................so I'm in my living room when I realize I hadn't heard the baby cry in a little while so I went to go check on him. He's quite still and I get near him to make sure he's ok when I realize that his right (my left) eye was bulging open and rolling to the back of his head. I started freaking out trying to get him to come to. He wasn't responsive and his head moved to the side and drool came out of the side of his mouth.
Screaming and crying hysterically I picked him up and ran to the hospital! I ran in there and they took my baby and rushed him to the emergency room.
I look around and I'm alone cause I just ran out of the house without telling anyone. So I started walking back to tell someone.
As I'm walking I'm calling the hospital still crying asking.........no............PLEADING to save my baby.......when all of a sudden...................I wake up.............I look at my son who's sound asleep right next to me and I realize the baby isn't real. And I missed him! The realization that this baby wasn't real was heartbreaking!
I don't think I can even properly convey just how sad it made me that this baby wasn't there for me to hold.
Not that I just wanted to take care of the baby or make sure he was okay. I don't know how to explain it. I was just sad he wasn't real!!!!

So in the dream I had my kiddo that's turning seven..................and this baby.

The baby that has never existed.............the baby that I miss.