I'm talking to my sanity by the way. I feel like I haven't been myself for quite awhile now! However I feel relieved to start feeling like my old self again. I guess that saying really is true,"when it rains it pours".
I think age maybe is starting to sink in. What I mean by that is that I am accepting the fact that as of next year I will no longer be in my 20's and I will be entering my 30's. Now don't get me wrong. I do not think in any way shape or form that I am old but what I do think about are the implications what come with my 30's. Allow me to explain.
I can no longer date "men" that are in their 20's. I just find that they are (for the most part) still immature and wanting to get laid as much as possible. So now my dating age bracket has moved up to the 30's. Now this is where the problem lies.............I do not believe that I am anywhere near to actually being able to engage in a serious relationship. Aha! I know what you're thinking.......if I'm not ready for a serious relationship then why not date guys in their 20's. Well that is because quite frankly I don't want to waste my time either. See this is where it get's tricky. If I'm not willing to waste my time by "seeing what happens" and I'm not ready to actually be in a relationship.........then what!?!?!?!?!?!?!
So I'm concluding that I basically still need to be alone for some time here. But then what about when I feel that I am ready to be in a committed and serious relationship. Then the men that I would want to date are old enough so that they are going to want to date younger women so that they can feel younger about themselves. Ok so there's that.
Then 30's is more adult than 20's. Meaning that when you turn 20 all your thinking about is how much you can't wait till you're 21 so you can drink......LOL. But aside from that what I mean is that there isn't much you are expecting or expected to do at the age. Then comes along 30's. At this point I am reflecting on what I could have accomplished, what I want to accomplish, what I didn't accomplish...........you get the picture. So now it's really time to do some soul searching and do some serious life planning..........Woe is me!!!!!
The worst is that I feel like I have left so much valuable time go by..........that really saddens me. So much time wasted and so much could have been established. Now the qustions is am I going to do something about it so this doesn't happen in my 40's or am I going to get stuck in this never ending loop of wallowing in my own self pity and let the 30's just breeze on by...........
First of all, what a fabulous photo of the day-dreaming, contemplative woman you selected! I might steal it for my own blog at some point! I just love it.
ReplyDeleteMore importantly, you're likely to love your 30s more than any decade in your life. In many ways it's the best of all decades. You're in your best condition with the most energy you can ever expect to have. 40s & 50s are still vigorous & fulfilling, but there's something unique & ideal about one's 30s.
As for feeling ready to be in a relationship, you'll feel ready when the right person comes along. I was talking with one of our co-workers today about the problems women have dating men who haven't matured yet. These lunkheads seem to take forever getting their shit together, if, indeed, they EVER do! But then there's the rare oddball who comes along who has somehow managed to get ahead of the pack. He's the one you need to keep an eye out for. It is very easy to enter your 30s thinking you still have forever, only to find yourself waking up in your 50s having made very little headway.
You don't seem like a self-pity person to me, and I don't think you'd let me sit around stewing in my own juices for too long. You'd tell me to get on the stick and make life happen, 'cause nobody else is going to!
You're too fine a bottle of wine to sit on the shelf gathering dust. Older is not always better. The notion of forever is only an illusion. We only have the now.
Love always, sweetie,
Dana