My brother was a twin. A boy and a girl. My little sister died two days after she was born. It pains me even more now than it ever did.
My sister was born with Blount’s disease. What is Blount’s I’m sure you’re wondering…………………..well………………
Blount's disease Is a growth disorder of the tibia (shin bone) that causes the lower leg to angle inward, resembling a bowleg. (According to wikipedia)
Doesn’t sound as horrible as it actually is. She has been getting surgeries since she was 10. They basically break her bones apart and re-align them. It’s quite harsh. Having screws coming out of her legs. I’ve seen her go through it. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. She’s a trooper…………no doubt about that. She’s also had other conditions here and there that have required medical attention.
So being around all that my mom always felt the needed to tell me how lucky I was because I had no major problem. Well………………aside from stupidity. My mom used to tell me that I should have been born sick and one of my sibling healthy cause the good fortune of good health is wasted on me. Yeah………my mom says stuff like that to me all the time J
I see where she’s coming from though. I was a normal teenager. Which means…………..I rebelled. So to her I am the bad one for those reasons.
But anyways……………..here we are now………..can’t change my siblings conditions. I would gladly trade my health for theirs, in a nano-second. But no matter how much I want to I can’t. But as I am getting older I am realizing that my health concerns were just waiting for me all along. It just wasn’t the right time I guess.
So now I’m faced with these health problems that are starting to come to light and let me tell you. I am scared shitless! I have no idea how to handle this.
No one is immortal. We all know that. But we don’t live like we’re all about to die do we? I don’t that’s for sure. I know that there is an end to this life, we all do……….but when you’re faced with something that challenges your mortality then shit really starts fucking with your head.
So how do I handle this? How do I deal with the fact that my life is going to change whether I like it or not? I have no right to complain!!! Look at what my siblings have gone through and will go through. My complaint has no merit…………………but it doesn’t stop me from feeling scared.
Sweetie...I knew about your brother, but not your sister. Wow. That's hardcore fucked. I'm so sorry these issues are befalling you. That you have these fears so early in life. Sure, plenty of people do, too, some worse, but that's not the point. Sleep apnea is what killed Divine. I guess the only good part about it is that you die in your sleep. But you won't, because you can't. Nicholas needs you. I need you. You need to be here just because you're you. You need to be here because you'll be the coolest old lady ever! Listen -- Donna has sleep apnea -- I mean, she sure as shit snores loud enough -- and she's still here. You just do what you need to do and you'll be fine. And let me know if there's ANYTHING I can do for you, just as you've offered me so many times. Chrissie and I hug each other from across the miles whenever we need to, and sometimes just because we feel like it. You're much closer in proximity, and not much into people hugging you, but I'm hugging you anyway.
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Dana
xxxx
PS: Would you smack your mother in the mouth for me? And if she doesn't like it, give her another one? She doesn't know how blessed she is.